Often in life I find myself silently humming "somewhere over the rainbow" from the Wizard of Oz as well as "My Favorite Things" from The Sound of Music. 'The rainbow" pops up when I am dreaming or in thought. "Favorite things" always comes up when I am nervous or scared.
Probably needless to say, "favorite things" has been in my head quite a bit these days. I take an afternoon walk to process the changing tides or spend a few extra minutes on the elliptical because I can conquer that, that song is the backdrop. I can control the outcome of those activities but I'm nervous underneath. So I hum..."raindrops on roses, whiskers on kittens..." and for some reason my heart stops racing for a few minutes and a calm begins. I take a deep breath and keep on moving.
Today, however, "rainbow" sort of moved into the mix, competing for brain space with my work details, and the live Seattle music stream that constantly plays as the background of my office. In part, I blame my coffee buddy who asked some "hard" questions about my future this morning and in part I blame Aubs. (I think blame is the wrong word here, but I'll stick with it). I'll get to the coffee buddy momentarily.
But, Aubs. I've talked about her before and how proud I am of her for pursuing her dream of being a professional singer. She is doing it and doing it well. She's a professional singer. Right now, not one that makes millions but I think will be someday sooner than later. I mean, that's what she does for a living. For reals. This song is what triggered my thoughts. (I might be slightly obsessed, btw). She knows what her dream is and knows where her passion lies. She has a plan. It might be a little "bohemian" for some, but she's there. She's in it. And it's awesome.
Now back to the coffee buddy-- a very dear old pal was in town and we were able to have a coffee date before work this morning. I shared the news of the changes at work. And he asked the question everyone asks -- "what's next?". And damn if I couldn't figure out how to answer.
Seriously, this is the umpteenth person to ask, it's been a week since we got the news, and I'm still not sure how to respond. I don't really have a passion or a dream to pursue. Really, I don't.
I loved (love) what I do, but if I'm being honest, have probably needed a change for some time. But it goes back to the above question-- what's next? And I find myself stuck. I have sought out change and challenge but all within my comfort zone, with people I know and trust. And people who trust me. To change all of that on a whim, without a passion or dream guiding me, seemed a bit silly. I could move forward in my career, in a direction I liked without actually having to answer that question. But now, things have changed. I really do have to seriously consider "what's next?". So I find myself humming not my worry song, but my dreamer song.
Somewhere, over the rainbow, way up high,
There's a land that I heard of once in a lullaby.
Somewhere, over the rainbow, skies are blue,
And the dreams that you dare to dream really do come true
So with Aubs and Dorothy as inspiration, I need to start daring and dreaming.
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