On death and dying… (thanks, Elizabeth Kubler-Ross)

A few weeks ago a friend of mine passed away. It was unexpected and very sudden. And while I was sad to hear the news, I think I was more sad for those that loved her (especially her wife) than for myself. My friendship with her was an interesting one. She always made me crazy because she just wouldn't (in my opinion) act her age and take care of herself. As an independent single person it drove me nuts that she just wouldn't do things for herself. Like NUTS. Oddly, I was the only person in our friendship circle that could literally tell her that and she wouldn't take offense but rather see it as a constructive piece of advice. Even though sometimes I feel like I was meaner than kind. And looking back, I think I said some of those things more as advice than to be a nagging friend. At any rate, I think anyone that knew her had similar feelings about her at one point or another. Though she drove me nuts more often than not, we shared some rather fun and funny memories--- trips, backyard gatherings, race events, and Mexican food Sundays. She had moments of being hilarious. And she was kind. Like anyone, she wasn't perfect but she was well loved by many in her own way. I am certain her wife is missing her (even the not so perfect parts) every minute of every day that is not consumed with work or a major distraction. And that makes me so very sad for my friend.

Unfortunately, I had not seen (or even spoken) with that friend in many, many months. Living 1000s of miles away can sometimes do that. But there would often be things that would pop up that would be totally her and I would send a text or a card or an email and say "I've been thinking of you".
I didn't make it to her funeral. In part because of timing. And in part because I felt my time would be better used to help her wife (my good pal) pack up a house or take a much needed vacation with gal pals. Because of that decision it's not as real. I kind of forget. And then something comes up that she would love or find funny and I think "I should text her!" and I am reminded that she died. In the last week, there have been three or four little things that have prompted me to think of her.

Those kind of reminders pop up when I think of anyone I have lost. I am lucky that my loss is relatively minimal. But the gentle reminders of those I have loved pop up here and there. And I am grateful. I am sure for others it is very painful to think of people they have lost, but it brings me a little piece of them. A reminder of the part they played in my life. The joy or sorrow we shared. A fond memory of something they taught me. Or something that makes me laugh.

I can only kind of hope it's those that I have loved nudging me to take a minute and remember a happy moment. It's kind of neat if you think about it. Or at least it is to me.