somewhere over the rainbow

I have written before about Dorothy and the Wizard of Oz. Unbeknownst to me until today, I might have an odd obsession with that movie and the songs in it. Not unhealthy, per se, but weird for a 33 yo chica to like a movie meant for munchkins (pun definitely intended!).

Often in life I find myself silently humming "somewhere over the rainbow" from the Wizard of Oz as well as "My Favorite Things" from The Sound of Music. 'The rainbow" pops up when I am dreaming or in thought. "Favorite things" always comes up when I am nervous or scared.
Probably needless to say, "favorite things" has been in my head quite a bit these days. I take an afternoon walk to process the changing tides or spend a few extra minutes on the elliptical because I can conquer that, that song is the backdrop. I can control the outcome of those activities but I'm nervous underneath. So I hum..."raindrops on roses, whiskers on kittens..." and for some reason my heart stops racing for a few minutes and a calm begins. I take a deep breath and keep on moving.

Today, however, "rainbow" sort of moved into the mix, competing for brain space with my work details, and the live Seattle music stream that constantly plays as the background of my office. In part, I blame my coffee buddy who asked some "hard" questions about my future this morning and in part I blame Aubs. (I think blame is the wrong word here, but I'll stick with it). I'll get to the coffee buddy momentarily.
But, Aubs. I've talked about her before and how proud I am of her for pursuing her dream of being a professional singer. She  is doing it and doing it well. She's a professional singer. Right now, not one that makes millions but I think will be someday sooner than later. I mean, that's what she does for a living. For reals. This song is what triggered my thoughts. (I might be slightly obsessed, btw). She knows what her dream is and knows where her passion lies. She has a plan. It might be a little "bohemian" for some, but she's there. She's in it. And it's awesome.

Now back to the coffee buddy-- a very dear old pal was in town and we were able to have a coffee date before work this morning. I shared the news of the changes at work. And he asked the question everyone asks -- "what's next?". And damn if I couldn't figure out how to answer.

Seriously, this is the umpteenth person to ask, it's been a week since we got the news, and I'm still not sure how to respond. I don't really have a passion or a dream to pursue. Really, I don't.
I loved (love) what I do, but if I'm being honest, have probably needed a change for some time. But it goes back to the above question-- what's next? And I find myself stuck. I have sought out change and challenge but all within my comfort zone, with people I know and trust. And people who trust me. To change all of that on a whim, without a passion or dream guiding me, seemed a bit silly. I could move forward in my career, in a direction I liked without actually having to answer that question. But now, things have changed. I really do have to seriously consider "what's next?". So I find myself humming not my worry song, but my dreamer song.

Somewhere, over the rainbow, way up high,
There's a land that I heard of once in a lullaby.
Somewhere, over the rainbow, skies are blue,
And the dreams that you dare to dream really do come true

So with Aubs and Dorothy as inspiration, I need to start daring and dreaming. 

And the band played on...

I know it's been awhile. There's been a lot going on. I've had moments where I've thought of really awesome things to post about and then I get busy or don't feel like turning the computer back on. I planned and executed a major event and it was amazing. I had a girls weekend with three of my favorite friends and enjoyed time on the beach (always a good time). And I realized that I've been in DC for almost a year. That's just plain crazy.
One of the blog posts I was going to write was about my excitement over DC becoming home. In the recent months, I have made good friends (outside of the friends I had when I arrived here). I have created a life, a community. A life that I completely enjoy and am excited to return to after time away. Part of it is that I feel better because of the miracle drug (remicade) so I can be more active than I have been in probably 10 years (another blog I planned to write, but didn't). And part of it is this city. There is ALWAYS something happening. It just has a lively vibe. And I have fallen in love with it. I hit my stride with people I have to work with and figured out how things work, so my job is easier. Not easy per se, but more manageable. Easier because I know how to get places now and know what streets to avoid at certain times. It's all part of becoming acclimated.
Before I could write and gush about the joy in all of that of that, things changed. Not my love for this city and most of the people in it, but my situation.
On Monday, my world was turned upside down. Things at work got complicated. Things changed. And I am forced to make some major decisions and fast. Sigh.
In the short term, I am headed to live with my favorite little family. They are sharing their home with me while the dust settles and I gain a better grasp on what my future holds. While they are DC- adjacent and my work will still bring me into the district on a fairly regular basis, it's not quite the same. I will miss my home. I will be forever grateful to them for welcoming me into their home and daily lives. It will be a change for all of us. But I have no doubt really good things will come from our time together. (I am really hoping the littlest one may not burst into tears every time I look at her because I am not her momma. Small victories.) And I know having my favorites as roommates for a little bit is actually pretty amazing. 
It's only Thursday and we made a plan. Set some dates and some expectations. We might be a little more alike than I ever thought. ;)
And I am grateful.
I am grateful to them.
I am grateful to my parents for their support and no questions asked helpfulness.
I am grateful to my bro and SIL for tossing out ideas and offers.
I am grateful to my HLP for calling every day and listening and understanding when I monopolize the conversation.
And I am grateful to the people I work with. We are all in the same boat and asking the same questions. But we are supportive of one another. And continue to get the work done. The work ethic continues to impress me as we face uncertain times and uncertain futures. As a team, we are putting our heads down and getting stuff done. We are making sure the events that will be the last in a city are amazing. Ensuring that the city we are leaving will be left with a longing for us to return.
All of it makes me both happy and sad at the same time. Happy to work for a company that employs people of this caliber. People who are strong, determined. People who are loyal. And sad because we might soon have to say goodbye to one another-- for one reason or another.
As someone once said-- The only thing in life that is constant and consistent is that things will change. (or something like that. You get it.)
Things are changing. They always do. And while it might not be what I had pictured, I know it will all work out in the end because of the love and support that surrounds me. Hell, I NEVER intended to live in or work in DC and here I am super sad to see it changing. While I might have some worry in the coming weeks and months, I know something great is ahead and I look forward to the day that I can look back on this and say, "remember when?".
Until then, I'm packing and planning. I will embrace the unknown and hope for the best. If you call, I may get choked up, but that's to be expected I think at least for a bit. But it will come to an end- one way or another and will work out as it is supposed to. Until then, let the band play on....