Reality Bites

Any kid who grew up as a tween/teen/twentysomething in the 90s knows about the movie 'Reality Bites'. It starred all the cool kids from the 90s era (er, hot kids). I was 14 when it came out but probably wasn't allowed to see it until I was older. I am actually certain I didn't watch until much later (strict TV rules around our house). Anyway, the movie is about a group of twenty-somethings struggling to find their way both in their lifestyle and in their careers.
Recently, this movie was on Hulu and I re-watched. Holy cow! I could totally relate to these people I once viewed as a "hot mess"!
Ugh. That isn't a good sign.

In the last few years,  I feel like I have found my way when it comes to lifestyle. I know who I am, I know what I like and within the last year, I found the place I'd like to plant some roots. (yay, Chicago!). But career-wise, I find I am floundering. This is not helped by the fact that I am currently unemployed. (insert a heavy sigh). My wise uncle stated it perfectly when he said I was having a mid-life career crisis. The end-goal I thought I always wanted (non-profit executive director) isn't what I think I want any longer. But then the question comes up, what's next? Where do I see myself in 5, 10, 15 years? At that thought my brain ceases to function. Um? I have NO idea.
Basically my entire career, prior to a year ago,  existed at one company (save a few months when I went elsewhere). The organization I ended up with recently was a really bad fit for me. The confusion comes because that last job supposedly aligned with the next steps in my previous career plan. And now I am almost certain that is not the path I want to take any longer.
So wise-uncle provided me with some excellent career plans to work on. I look at them everyday and make notes and then scratch things right off the list I created just the day before. WTF? How can a driven, motivated person be so lost? The major issue I find is that I can be two people. Not in the "I should be on medication" way but in the I can see myself being happy in many places- a super hippy, dippy do-gooder and a powerful executive ball buster. It is SO FRUSTRATING. To the point, where I am annoying myself. I mean, get it together. Make a plan and stick with it!
In the meantime, I am applying for full-time work that sounds interesting and figure if they call me for an interview I can worry if it will be my happy place or not when that time comes. Thus far, the two interviews I've had have gone well but I didn't get either job. Both came back to me with the "you impressed us and we liked you,  BUT…". (I hate that BUT, btw)
Although they didn't work out, and I am starting to get anxious about not having full time work, I am enjoying my summer. I feel a little like I am on college summer break. You know, where you work random jobs but get to have a flexible schedule and get to spend time with people you love. Thus far, I have in my randomness been a "Vanna White-wannabe" for a marketing event, I walked in a parade, I interviewed to be a river boat tour guide, I've been a copy-editor and an event consultant, a concert runner and marathon start-line lead, and I am well on my way to being Mary Poppins with all the nanny gigs. And next week I am going to be hair model. Seriously.
Really, it could be worse. The hippy-dippy part of me is LOVING all these random experiences and adventures. But the responsible career-lady is FREAKING OUT!
I'll keep living life and having fun, but every morning for 3-5 hours is designated career planning time. Here's hoping a year from now I am in a place where all the pieces are in place and I can look back on this summer as a gift- a time to play, time to spend extra bonus time with those I love, a time to walk 10,000 steps daily, and a time where I really solidified my career path for all kinds of future success!