Grounded.

As a kid being grounded was like THE worst thing that could happen to you in my household. Granted more often than not, the grounding lasted much less time than promised because my mom would come home from dealing with terrible kids at school and realize just what amazing and gifted children my brother and I really were (are). ;) Even knowing that, hearing the words "You're grounded!" shouted from the bottom of the stairs was awful. It meant no playing with friends, not being able to go to the after prom fun, not being able to drive anywhere but school/practice, whatever. It sucked.
As I've grown up the word "grounded" has morphed into a much more spiritual word and something I look forward to and need. It's not ever punishment. I like that as I've grown up, the word and it's meaning has too. I find when I am feeling lost or adrift, I have a strong need to be grounded. To find my touch point. To find the place where things begin.
With all of the change and decisions and instability in my life over the past two years, I have discovered that people and not places are my grounding factors. Specifically, my favorite little family and the dude's family provide that to me more than anyone else can. I have no idea what it is about these people or households, but I can arrive a "hot mess" and leave with a sense of peace and well being.
Per my last post, it is no surprise I was a bit of a "hot mess" last week and as I said, I am a runner when things get tough. I "escape". So I headed to the mitten for a few days of laughter, silliness, and love. I spent lots of time with the littles (always a good deal!) and had plenty of time to discuss the worry and stress I carried with me. I cannot ever say thank you enough for how much their time and love mean to me. They ground me in the most fantastic way.
I returned to Chicago yesterday ready to face the change and challenge head on. Ready for whatever it is the Universe has planned next.
Unlike when I was a kid, I now look forward to being "grounded" every few months and for the perspective it brings to a sometimes otherwise crazy life.

Decisions, decisions...

In the last few days, I have completely concluded that being a grown-up is really not cool sometimes. As kids start the school year, I am sure there are arguments happening over what to wear, how hair is styled, what classes to take, etc. And parents/adults are weighing in or making the decisions. I never thought I would say this, but I kind of wish I were in those shoes.
Nothing is wrong per se, but I am being required to think through things and make choices about where my life is headed. Choices are great, but I sort of wish someone would swoop in and say "take this job", "love this person" and all will be well. Then I could move forward.
I mean I know that is not what I really want. And I know I am completely capable of making these choices. Really, I want to make these choices. It's just hard.
And I have learned over my 34 years that when things get hard, I run.
It's true.
I hate conflict. So when things get too tricky, I walk away. Sadly, in my own life when I am the only one in the room I can't walk away. I have to face the issues at hand. Make a decision. Maybe cause some conflict.
And I hate it.

First days of school

Tomorrow is the start of a new school year for my little loves in Michigan. While not a major deal in my immediate world, it does take me back to a year ago. And makes me a little misty thinking about how far we have all come.
Last year on the first day of school, I lived with my favorite little family and was asked to walk to the bus stop with the whole fam. I may have been awake with them every day but was generally still in my pi's since I worked from home. Not that day, I was up and attem and was lucky enough to see the excitement, the tears, the joy and the worry across all of their faces. Because on that first day of school there was more than just starting the school year, they were starting months of a new crazy and scary part of their lives together. They were beginning to plan their move back to the Michigan. At the time, like me, they were in flux. Uncertain about what the future would bring. I was privy to the inner strength of a marriage and a family. It was (and continues to be) beautiful.
So now a year later, I am not there to walk to the bus stop but I know it will be more joyful and fun. I know the outfit chosen will be incredible (and I better get pics!!). And I know one year later we are all exactly where we are meant to be.

Cheers to the fabulous first days to come!