Even in Australia

Do you remember the book, "Alexander and the no good, very bad day"?
It was a favorite in my house growing up because my little bro's name is Alexander. When we were little we thought it was a book written just for him. In my little kid mind, I was very sad that no one thought to write a book specifically for me. Anyway, I digress... Back to my point. if you don't remember, the book is about this kid who has bad things happen to him all day. At one point, he thinks about moving to Australia, but at the end he sees "even bad days happen in Australia". The book is reminiscent of my day. Today was Jessica and the no good, very bad day. Okay, maybe not very bad but definately not very good. Today started off going well. I started out with good coffee, nice breezes, and a good chat with a collegue. I had high hopes. Maybe that's where I went wrong...

When I went to do laundry this morning, I had THE incident with a spider. Now let me explain--since moving to Seattle I have had many encounters with spiders and the like. I started to realize why H has such a huge fear. (I really never understood it before moving to her old stomping grounds.) Spiders in Seattle are scary. They are big, mean, "I'm going to eat your face" kind of spiders, not the wimpy daddy-long-legs who seem friendly (like Charlotte) that I had in Phoenix. Because of the frequency of incidents, I have a system in place to kill said spiders in my home. I bombed the place, but it seems the spiders really like my cozy cottage, so I use the newpaper and move them to the great outdoors where they belong. Spiders outside are a different story. They create amazing webs to catch bugs, but often have caught me instead. (My laundry room is outside the back door in it's own little room). That said I typically check where I am walking when I exit my home. Today I forgot. Big mistake.

I am out of practice, since I have been gone for a month. Today I just willy-nilly walked out to do laundry and walked smack-dab into the middle of a gargantuan spider web with the spider still in it! And while that is traumatic enough, it gets worse. The spider ended up on my face! (Insert chilly-willies here...ugh!). I felt like I was in a scene from a movie. I dropped my laundry immediately and just screamed. Swatted the spider away and promptly stepped on it. (For those Buddhists out there, this is not a common practice). I then proceded to walk (er, run) immediately indoors and shower! Blech! (For those who care, I did leave the laundry on the ground until after the shower and when I came back out I was very ready!).

I hope, dear reader, that you now understand THE incident. I hope it was THE one and only wherein a spider is on my person, specificially my face!

Following that episode, I thought it would be an uneventful day. wrong again. There were no more instances with bugs, animals or nature, but just a bummer of a doctor appointment. Doctor appointments are a VERY regular part of my life at home. I think one of the things I like best about my travel schedule is that I can live in denial about anything actually being wrong with me. However, when I come home and see one of the "ologists" (my term of endearment for myteam of doctors), reality rudely hits me smack in the face (similar to the spider this morning).
As I said, when I travel I forget (or try to) that I need to take it a little slower than most 30-year olds. I tend to ignore that everyone doesn't wake up stiff and sore everyday. I forget that most everyone can run, sit Indian-style, and get easily to the floor (and up again). I mean, don't get me wrong, there are always little reminders, but I push them aside. I just take the road less traveled (usually the longer way isn't as rocky). I just think of my stiffness as a result of being up for 22 hours of a 24 hour day. And I pull up a chair rather than sit on the floor. Easy fixes. I also work on an event where we work because 1 in 8 people get diagnosed with a disease that could kill you. It's a daily reality check that I am lucky. I am alive and basically well. I just need to readjust my gauge for "normal".

That readjusted gauge for "normal" and the silver-lining of things are typically how I go through life. It could always be worse. And who wants to be friends with a person who is constantly whining? I know I sure don't. Plus, if I complained about how unfair this life is that I was dealt and wanted a redo, there would be so much that I would miss and so much I would never change or give up! But that is a story for another day.

Though my normal life is lined with silver, I do have days where I do feel bad for myself and wallow just a little and wish that things could be different. Today is one of those days. I saw the "bone ologist" (Yes, I know the actualy name but "bone ologist" is just more fun). She is a lovely woman and very smart. Her words to me today were, "You are a mystery". Throughout our conversations, she kept avoiding the words weird, unusual, rare, and unknown. I know this because she would start to say them and then find something different to say. Today she told me that she is still unsure of the reasons why I ache and swell, and lose bone movement. She took my case to a panel (kind of cool) and they found me "perplexing". When some of the smartest minds are perplexed, it doesn't do much to provide hope or a silver-lining. My old doctor called me a walking science experiment and wanted to write a book about me. For intellectuals, this is a nerdy kind of cool. And my nerdy side thinks so too. I am fasciated by the reasons why I am this way and what could work to make it better. Most days I move along and just think, this is my life and it's good. But, on days like today- the no good, very bad day kind of days, I just want to be "normal". Questions that I normally don't allow to come to the surface arise. Questions like- "who will ever love me when I am this broken?", "what would my life have become without this illness?", "what adventures will I miss out on because something degenerates so much it creates a serious disability?". Those are not questions I want to ask. Those are questions no person should have to ask. Those are questions for a no-good, very bad day. Even in Australia.

I hope tomorrow is lined in silver and there are no spiders!