(post from 10/9)
This week is the Washington, DC 3-Day. It is the last one for the forseeable future. And it is the last 3-Day I planned. And the first one that I started but will not finish. And I am having a hard time with that.
It was my choice to leave. To move on to something new. In a new place with new people. For a new cause. But I feel like I have unfinished business, like I need to complete the project I started.
The weather predicted is terrible. Rain and cold.
The government shut-down is still happening. My old teammates have to deal with all of that because I am not there to do it.
In almost 10 years of planning, I have never not finsihed what i started. I don't know how to do that. I don't know how to let it go. How to not care.
There is nothing more I can do. I did what I could to make sure they would be in good shape. And I can only hope for the best.
But I can't let it go.
Monday, October 28, 2013
Home is where the heart is.
In the last few years, well months more specifically, I have been told by many that I am a professional nomad. I just kind of smiled and let that statement sink in. Professional nomad. huh?
That was never my intention. I never considered that it's unual to move about so much. I once had a bumper stcker on my car that read "Not all who wander are lost". It suited me in my "hippie" phase and it suits me still. (not that I have bumper stickers anymore...) I am not lost. I find that though my head might be in the clouds and my aspirations are all over the place, I am grounded in who I am and where I belong by the people who love me.
This fact has never more clear to me than in the last 6 months. In a time when I could look back and think 'what a shitshow', I am instead already thinking back with fondness. I was able to be absorbed into three beautful families and was reminded what it's like to be part of something so wonderful. You see, once you've lived alone for a bit it's easy to forget how awesome it is to be part of a family on a day-to-day basis. Sure, there are days you kind of think in my "real life", I'd be able to sleep in or whatever, but once you get back into the "real life" sleeping in isn't as cool as you thought. At least for me, when compared to morning snuggles and giggles around a breakfast table.
I found that I am able to make a 'home' wherever I am because I know I can always go 'home' if there are people I love there.
And that makes me so happy. And grateful.
That was never my intention. I never considered that it's unual to move about so much. I once had a bumper stcker on my car that read "Not all who wander are lost". It suited me in my "hippie" phase and it suits me still. (not that I have bumper stickers anymore...) I am not lost. I find that though my head might be in the clouds and my aspirations are all over the place, I am grounded in who I am and where I belong by the people who love me.
This fact has never more clear to me than in the last 6 months. In a time when I could look back and think 'what a shitshow', I am instead already thinking back with fondness. I was able to be absorbed into three beautful families and was reminded what it's like to be part of something so wonderful. You see, once you've lived alone for a bit it's easy to forget how awesome it is to be part of a family on a day-to-day basis. Sure, there are days you kind of think in my "real life", I'd be able to sleep in or whatever, but once you get back into the "real life" sleeping in isn't as cool as you thought. At least for me, when compared to morning snuggles and giggles around a breakfast table.
I found that I am able to make a 'home' wherever I am because I know I can always go 'home' if there are people I love there.
And that makes me so happy. And grateful.
Thursday, October 3, 2013
Here I go again...
should have been posted on 9/10
So, in my ever-changing, ever-adventurous world, here comes another change---
In simplest terms-- I am moving to Chicago. I am leaving the company I have worked for over 9 years.
deep breaths, deep breaths....
I am excited to start a new chapter. I am excited to do something new and build on the amazing experiences I have had- both in and out of my work world. Working there allowed me to see things I likely would not have otherwise seen, and experiened things I would not have, and met people who are my soulmates.
More than a fabulous job, being there I grew up. I started out almost right out of college-- fresh and naive. Not knowing what it meant to have a "real" job. Was working from home really a "real" job I was often asked (for years in some cases). I sometimes asked myself the same thing when it was 4pm and I still wasn't dressed for the day. But it was. At times it was very intense. And at times it was pure silly. It wasn't perfect, nothing is. But it was pretty darn great for a really long time.
But it was time to find something new. If I'm being honest it was probably past time, but it's super hard to leave something you love. In an embarssing commentary to the VP of the company, I compared it to a break up with your boyfriend you love but you know you just aren't meant to marry. You love them, wish them no ill will, want to keep in touch (really), and genuinely want to be friends but you just can't be together anymore. It's all true. And yes, I actually said that to the guy who pays my salary (win.).
It wasn't an easy decision to make. I still love this job and the people I work with. I am surrounded by friends. Friends, some which, have become family.
When wasting some night time the other day I found this quote from Winnie The Pooh, of all places. It just spoke to me. Directly to exactly what I am feeling.
"How Lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard."- Winnie The Pooh
But goodbye it will be. And onto new and exciting adventures in the Windy City. Where maybe I'll stay put for a bit.
So, in my ever-changing, ever-adventurous world, here comes another change---
In simplest terms-- I am moving to Chicago. I am leaving the company I have worked for over 9 years.
deep breaths, deep breaths....
I am excited to start a new chapter. I am excited to do something new and build on the amazing experiences I have had- both in and out of my work world. Working there allowed me to see things I likely would not have otherwise seen, and experiened things I would not have, and met people who are my soulmates.
More than a fabulous job, being there I grew up. I started out almost right out of college-- fresh and naive. Not knowing what it meant to have a "real" job. Was working from home really a "real" job I was often asked (for years in some cases). I sometimes asked myself the same thing when it was 4pm and I still wasn't dressed for the day. But it was. At times it was very intense. And at times it was pure silly. It wasn't perfect, nothing is. But it was pretty darn great for a really long time.
But it was time to find something new. If I'm being honest it was probably past time, but it's super hard to leave something you love. In an embarssing commentary to the VP of the company, I compared it to a break up with your boyfriend you love but you know you just aren't meant to marry. You love them, wish them no ill will, want to keep in touch (really), and genuinely want to be friends but you just can't be together anymore. It's all true. And yes, I actually said that to the guy who pays my salary (win.).
It wasn't an easy decision to make. I still love this job and the people I work with. I am surrounded by friends. Friends, some which, have become family.
When wasting some night time the other day I found this quote from Winnie The Pooh, of all places. It just spoke to me. Directly to exactly what I am feeling.
"How Lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard."- Winnie The Pooh
But goodbye it will be. And onto new and exciting adventures in the Windy City. Where maybe I'll stay put for a bit.
the end of the year
Since I have been a tad busy getting settled, drving to and from work, moving a few times, traveling to New York, helping some friends, and most importantly chatting with my various housemates, I have not been as good about updating the blog. Prorities.
But I have missed writing my thoughts and feelings and observations in all of this change and adventure. There has been so much to take in- good things and some sad.
The last few weeks in DC/Maryland were hectic. I was trying to pull together an event in three weeks time that I normally spend months planning. I felt immense pressure to pass it off as done as humanly possible. My last day was extended due to that, which I was just fine with. It allowed me time to put all these big changes away for just a little more time. I am exceptional at compartmetalizing. It's how I deal well with crisis. I focus on the issue at hand and fall apart afterward. So the last week was filled with meetings, outings, saying goodbye. I got a little teary but more than anything I was focused on the task at hand. And then came Friday and packaging up my laptop to be sent back. And a lunch with a friend. And it hit me. Literally took my breath away, for just a second. I was leaving a city I'd mastered and learned to love in a year of getting beat-up. I was leaving a job I'd had for almost ten years and one I still liked. I was leaving behind almost my whole career. And I was picking up to move to a new city and start a new job in two days. Whoa. deep breaths.
As I was headed back to the little ladies for one last sleepover at their house and one last night with one of my all-time favorite housemates (no offense to anyone else!), I got so sad. Not because I was scared of the decision I'd made, but sad to leave such a special year behind. In that year, I'd conquered a city. I'd fallen deeply in love with my favorite little people. I'd learned how fast and deep a friendship can grow.I'd learned what I am made of. I really learned how very lucky I am. And I was humbled by the love I have been shown.
Saturday, in Ferd Schulte fashion (meaning really early), I got up and started the adventure. I had one last infusion treatment(because why wouldn't that be the case) and then I hit the road and headed toward the mitten. I had a 9 hour drive through the hills and highways. A mix of good music and time alone --jobless (for 2 days) and homeless. I got home and relished in the large sized bed (I had been sleeping in a 3/4 bed-- short and fat twin bed, really) and got excited that I could sleep in on Sunday. finally. ;)
Sunday I got up and attem- hit up a coffee and bagel place and headed toward Chicago in the rain. My moves tend to have the background of rain, I tak it as a positive sign. Like the planet is cleansing me of the old so I can start fresh and new or something. (wow, that was really hippy dippy! But I'm sticking with it.)
I got to my new temporary home, knocked and was immediately welcomed with squeals of delight from the other side of the door. So cute and perfect.
I unloaded (with the help of my new housemates), got the tour and the favorite books orientation, then had a homecooked dinner. The adults shared tips for getting to the office the next day and we talked about grown up things.
And Monday I started my job.
We'll end the story there for now.
But I have missed writing my thoughts and feelings and observations in all of this change and adventure. There has been so much to take in- good things and some sad.
The last few weeks in DC/Maryland were hectic. I was trying to pull together an event in three weeks time that I normally spend months planning. I felt immense pressure to pass it off as done as humanly possible. My last day was extended due to that, which I was just fine with. It allowed me time to put all these big changes away for just a little more time. I am exceptional at compartmetalizing. It's how I deal well with crisis. I focus on the issue at hand and fall apart afterward. So the last week was filled with meetings, outings, saying goodbye. I got a little teary but more than anything I was focused on the task at hand. And then came Friday and packaging up my laptop to be sent back. And a lunch with a friend. And it hit me. Literally took my breath away, for just a second. I was leaving a city I'd mastered and learned to love in a year of getting beat-up. I was leaving a job I'd had for almost ten years and one I still liked. I was leaving behind almost my whole career. And I was picking up to move to a new city and start a new job in two days. Whoa. deep breaths.
As I was headed back to the little ladies for one last sleepover at their house and one last night with one of my all-time favorite housemates (no offense to anyone else!), I got so sad. Not because I was scared of the decision I'd made, but sad to leave such a special year behind. In that year, I'd conquered a city. I'd fallen deeply in love with my favorite little people. I'd learned how fast and deep a friendship can grow.I'd learned what I am made of. I really learned how very lucky I am. And I was humbled by the love I have been shown.
Saturday, in Ferd Schulte fashion (meaning really early), I got up and started the adventure. I had one last infusion treatment(because why wouldn't that be the case) and then I hit the road and headed toward the mitten. I had a 9 hour drive through the hills and highways. A mix of good music and time alone --jobless (for 2 days) and homeless. I got home and relished in the large sized bed (I had been sleeping in a 3/4 bed-- short and fat twin bed, really) and got excited that I could sleep in on Sunday. finally. ;)
Sunday I got up and attem- hit up a coffee and bagel place and headed toward Chicago in the rain. My moves tend to have the background of rain, I tak it as a positive sign. Like the planet is cleansing me of the old so I can start fresh and new or something. (wow, that was really hippy dippy! But I'm sticking with it.)
I got to my new temporary home, knocked and was immediately welcomed with squeals of delight from the other side of the door. So cute and perfect.
I unloaded (with the help of my new housemates), got the tour and the favorite books orientation, then had a homecooked dinner. The adults shared tips for getting to the office the next day and we talked about grown up things.
And Monday I started my job.
We'll end the story there for now.
 |
| DC friends Goodbye bar crawl. |
 |
| C and Mags on our "ice cream for breakfast date" |
 |
| Sammie and Erica |
 |
| the packed car |
 |
| the new roomies |
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)