What moving means...

This morning, I chose to snuggle with dogs for a few extra minutes before getting up and facing the day (packing). As I lay there, my mind drifted to all of the things I needed to accomplish today. All of which revolve around the move (and packing!). From there, I started to lament the fact that I have moved every two years since I was 18. I am 36. That means since moving from my parents home after high school, I have moved 16 times.
- The dorms at MSU
- The sorority house
- The 504 house
- The Forest house
- back home to Mom/Papa's
- My Scottsdale apartment
- My downtown Phoenix apartment
- The Ahwatukee house with my roomies (and the pool!)
- The house next door to the homies and down the block from my HLP
- My precious Seattle garden cottage
- My darling DC English basement
- The Bedolla's playroom in Maryland
- Gabriella's room in Naperville
- The basement apartment at the Connell's in Glenview
- My charming apartment in Andersonville
- My apartment with Frank and the pups in Logan Square

DAMN. That is A LOT of moving. (My sincere apologies to those that keep an old school address book! I hope you've used pencil...)
While it's been an expensive and rather nomadic way to live, I would not change a thing! With each move, I have learned and grown. College moves are pretty self explanatory. Everyone moves during that time of their life. But the subsequent moves- the moves I have done since being a grown up, those are the ones that have really taught me about myself and about life.
My move to Scottsdale was a full on risk (and adventure!). I moved sight unseen to Phoenix for a new job. I made that one happen in 10 days. I got a little help from the Dude and I was on my way. The moves within Phoenix were all about finding my way and discovering the city that I called home for 7 years. My move to Seattle was me trying to find a place to settle, a place to call my home. And it was the loveliest place to call my home for the 2 years I lived there, but life had other plans and new adventures- so it was across the country to take on new work challenges and be nearer to my favorite little family in DC. Living with the families I did between my time in DC and in Chicago was a temporary fix for a transient time. I realized during that time just how lucky and how loved I am. How lucky am I to be invited to stay for an extended frame of time and share another family's home? Those months were truly some of my very favorite. Once I found my Andersonville place, I knew it would be home. It was cozy and so very 'Chicago'. I decorated with floral and it was ultra girlie! The perfect place to have ended my time as a single gal. Once F and I decided to move in together, this place was the very first that I wasn't fully moved into within a month. I was shocked when I realized that, but my smart mama pointed out that for the first time I had distractions-- a person whom I wanted to spend time with and enjoy a conversation and two dogs who need and deserve snuggles. Who wants to unpack when I could be spending time with the three beings I love so much?!
Well, now we've come to next big life adventure which means another move. I am now more than just me. I am a We. And when you become a We, you see the worries of your person and take them as your own. So, We have invited Frank's mom to come to Chicago to live with us. That means we needed to find a place with a first floor bedroom and a neighborhood for her to feel comfortable. We found a wonderful home with plenty of space for us, for her, for the dogs, and for our loved ones to come to Chicago for a visit. (Really, please come! We'd love to host you!)
This will be move #17 for me. And I think it will be one of the best yet. While I am completely over the process of moving and really do hope this is it for some time, I am wise enough to know that you never know what opportunity will arise and what move we will need to make. But I am crossing my fingers that whatever opportunity comes up, it is one that means we can stay in our new home. In the meantime, I am going to take full advantage of this chapter and be grateful for the stories and life that will be lived in this place to fill this chapter in the story of my life.
And seriously, this place has a pool. I mean, for real, I am going to be the happiest lady come warmer weather. ;)
Now, enough procrastinating, I need to get back to packing boxes.

Grounded.

As a kid being grounded was like THE worst thing that could happen to you in my household. Granted more often than not, the grounding lasted much less time than promised because my mom would come home from dealing with terrible kids at school and realize just what amazing and gifted children my brother and I really were (are). ;) Even knowing that, hearing the words "You're grounded!" shouted from the bottom of the stairs was awful. It meant no playing with friends, not being able to go to the after prom fun, not being able to drive anywhere but school/practice, whatever. It sucked.
As I've grown up the word "grounded" has morphed into a much more spiritual word and something I look forward to and need. It's not ever punishment. I like that as I've grown up, the word and it's meaning has too. I find when I am feeling lost or adrift, I have a strong need to be grounded. To find my touch point. To find the place where things begin.
With all of the change and decisions and instability in my life over the past two years, I have discovered that people and not places are my grounding factors. Specifically, my favorite little family and the dude's family provide that to me more than anyone else can. I have no idea what it is about these people or households, but I can arrive a "hot mess" and leave with a sense of peace and well being.
Per my last post, it is no surprise I was a bit of a "hot mess" last week and as I said, I am a runner when things get tough. I "escape". So I headed to the mitten for a few days of laughter, silliness, and love. I spent lots of time with the littles (always a good deal!) and had plenty of time to discuss the worry and stress I carried with me. I cannot ever say thank you enough for how much their time and love mean to me. They ground me in the most fantastic way.
I returned to Chicago yesterday ready to face the change and challenge head on. Ready for whatever it is the Universe has planned next.
Unlike when I was a kid, I now look forward to being "grounded" every few months and for the perspective it brings to a sometimes otherwise crazy life.

Decisions, decisions...

In the last few days, I have completely concluded that being a grown-up is really not cool sometimes. As kids start the school year, I am sure there are arguments happening over what to wear, how hair is styled, what classes to take, etc. And parents/adults are weighing in or making the decisions. I never thought I would say this, but I kind of wish I were in those shoes.
Nothing is wrong per se, but I am being required to think through things and make choices about where my life is headed. Choices are great, but I sort of wish someone would swoop in and say "take this job", "love this person" and all will be well. Then I could move forward.
I mean I know that is not what I really want. And I know I am completely capable of making these choices. Really, I want to make these choices. It's just hard.
And I have learned over my 34 years that when things get hard, I run.
It's true.
I hate conflict. So when things get too tricky, I walk away. Sadly, in my own life when I am the only one in the room I can't walk away. I have to face the issues at hand. Make a decision. Maybe cause some conflict.
And I hate it.