It's November and there is this Facebook thing that you post every day about the things you are thankful for. Lots of people make fun of this trend, but I think it's kind of cool. I tend to be a "pollyana" about most things in life, seeing things, etc. So, it's the eighth day of the month, I got started a little late but I kind of like taking a minute each day to consider what I am thankful for. Honestly, it should probably be a trend every day of the year.
That said, I posted today that I was thankful to have finally found a good carwash. Not earth shatteringly awesome or anything but it sure did make me happy. I mean, I am fairly certain I haven't gotten a good car wash since moving away from Phoenix (almost 4 years ago!). That was at 4:30, so late enough in the day that I thought that should cover it. And the day had already been good. I worked from home this morning (read: got to wear pajamas!) and talked with a lady I've been stalking for 4 weeks (small victories!). Anyway...
As it turns out, the Universe had much, much more in mind for me this pre-evening (in the words of Sheldon Cooper). (side note: if you don't know who that is, I suggest catching an episode of the Big Bang Theory on TBS or CBS-- so so funny, in my humble opinion). After the car wash I went on a mission to buy jeans. I now live in a cold city and have a casual but not pajama-appropriate job now, so I need a t least one more pair for the winter. So I headed to Nordstrom (they do free alterations) and started to look around. I tried some stuff on and in the dressing room there was a sweet little note (Smile! You look great!). Awesome! Everyone needs a little friendly encouragement when trying on jeans. Even with the encouragement, sadly, no jeans, but I did find a sweater that was priced at $150 but they accidentally marked it on sale for $30. Since it is Nordstrom they honored it! Amazing! I was seriously so excited. Then I went over to DSW to find some comfortable walking shoes that were also rain/snow- worthy shoes (good treads). Not only did I find a pair but found out I had $50 in unused coupons, so basically I got a sweet pair of kicks for $2! For reals! I was so pumped (still am!).
Literally, after the working from home, the sweet car wash, and my smoking deals I did not think the day could get better, but it did! I got two sweet notes from good pals (that meant more than any deals or awesome car wash). My heart was just full, Almost to the point of bringing tears to my eyes. I was so overwhelmed with the goodness from my day, I was actually thinking I needed to readjust my FB post to include the other things, especially the friends part of the day. I popped to the grocery store on my way home and that is where the true blessing of my day came.
I went to grab some veggies to make the soup I have been meaning to make for 3 days. I only had a few veggies, some crackers, some coffee and misc other essentials that I forgot on my first trip to the grocery since moving into my new place (olive oil, pepper, etc). I got in a short line behind a lady with a little boy, He was darling. While in line we played a little peek-a-boo and he showed me his little toothy grin. I just thought...one more happy thing to be thankful for today. The line was long, so we stood for about 10 minutes. The woman started checking out and was paying very close attention to the total bill. And as it got higher I could see her getting nervous and starting to move items further back (as though they weren't as important as the other things). When her total reached $50, she told the cashier to stop that she was going to need to put some things back. She looked sheepishly The cashier told her, to forget it, he would put the items away. He was irritated. The woman had tears in her voice and she apologized profusely and told the guy she just added wrong when she was shopping. That she only had $50 to buy things today and they would need to come back in two weeks. I didn't mean to listen but I was standing super close. And my heart broke. As she counted the cash for the cashier, I really looked at her. She was clean, but her clothes were worn, old. She had dark circles under her eyes, and she was just a little too thin. The items she had deemed "non-essential" were some apples, toilet paper, kleenex and some cleaner. She paid and started to walk away. I asked the cashier to ring them up and asked the bagger to chase after her, just to tell her she had forgotten the bag. The items totaled less than I would have spent on my shoes.
I checked out, the cashier just kept staring at me. So did the irritated guy behind me. I didn't say anything, and walked out toward my car. The woman was standing with the bagger waiting. She grabbed me, hugged me and sobbed. She shared her whole story (too much to explain). I bought her one bag of groceries. One bag. That small expense meant the difference between having some essentials and not for her. And it made me thankful. And reminded me how lucky I am to have a good job, a supportive family, and people who love me.
During this month-long trend of being thankful, I realized all the other things I am thankful for come back to the basics.
I am thankful for my family. I am thankful for wonderful friends. I am thankful for love. And the security that those things bring to my life no matter what else happens.
Thursday, November 7, 2013
Monday, October 28, 2013
unfinished.
(post from 10/9)
This week is the Washington, DC 3-Day. It is the last one for the forseeable future. And it is the last 3-Day I planned. And the first one that I started but will not finish. And I am having a hard time with that.
It was my choice to leave. To move on to something new. In a new place with new people. For a new cause. But I feel like I have unfinished business, like I need to complete the project I started.
The weather predicted is terrible. Rain and cold.
The government shut-down is still happening. My old teammates have to deal with all of that because I am not there to do it.
In almost 10 years of planning, I have never not finsihed what i started. I don't know how to do that. I don't know how to let it go. How to not care.
There is nothing more I can do. I did what I could to make sure they would be in good shape. And I can only hope for the best.
But I can't let it go.
This week is the Washington, DC 3-Day. It is the last one for the forseeable future. And it is the last 3-Day I planned. And the first one that I started but will not finish. And I am having a hard time with that.
It was my choice to leave. To move on to something new. In a new place with new people. For a new cause. But I feel like I have unfinished business, like I need to complete the project I started.
The weather predicted is terrible. Rain and cold.
The government shut-down is still happening. My old teammates have to deal with all of that because I am not there to do it.
In almost 10 years of planning, I have never not finsihed what i started. I don't know how to do that. I don't know how to let it go. How to not care.
There is nothing more I can do. I did what I could to make sure they would be in good shape. And I can only hope for the best.
But I can't let it go.
Home is where the heart is.
In the last few years, well months more specifically, I have been told by many that I am a professional nomad. I just kind of smiled and let that statement sink in. Professional nomad. huh?
That was never my intention. I never considered that it's unual to move about so much. I once had a bumper stcker on my car that read "Not all who wander are lost". It suited me in my "hippie" phase and it suits me still. (not that I have bumper stickers anymore...) I am not lost. I find that though my head might be in the clouds and my aspirations are all over the place, I am grounded in who I am and where I belong by the people who love me.
This fact has never more clear to me than in the last 6 months. In a time when I could look back and think 'what a shitshow', I am instead already thinking back with fondness. I was able to be absorbed into three beautful families and was reminded what it's like to be part of something so wonderful. You see, once you've lived alone for a bit it's easy to forget how awesome it is to be part of a family on a day-to-day basis. Sure, there are days you kind of think in my "real life", I'd be able to sleep in or whatever, but once you get back into the "real life" sleeping in isn't as cool as you thought. At least for me, when compared to morning snuggles and giggles around a breakfast table.
I found that I am able to make a 'home' wherever I am because I know I can always go 'home' if there are people I love there.
And that makes me so happy. And grateful.
That was never my intention. I never considered that it's unual to move about so much. I once had a bumper stcker on my car that read "Not all who wander are lost". It suited me in my "hippie" phase and it suits me still. (not that I have bumper stickers anymore...) I am not lost. I find that though my head might be in the clouds and my aspirations are all over the place, I am grounded in who I am and where I belong by the people who love me.
This fact has never more clear to me than in the last 6 months. In a time when I could look back and think 'what a shitshow', I am instead already thinking back with fondness. I was able to be absorbed into three beautful families and was reminded what it's like to be part of something so wonderful. You see, once you've lived alone for a bit it's easy to forget how awesome it is to be part of a family on a day-to-day basis. Sure, there are days you kind of think in my "real life", I'd be able to sleep in or whatever, but once you get back into the "real life" sleeping in isn't as cool as you thought. At least for me, when compared to morning snuggles and giggles around a breakfast table.
I found that I am able to make a 'home' wherever I am because I know I can always go 'home' if there are people I love there.
And that makes me so happy. And grateful.
Thursday, October 3, 2013
Here I go again...
should have been posted on 9/10
So, in my ever-changing, ever-adventurous world, here comes another change---
In simplest terms-- I am moving to Chicago. I am leaving the company I have worked for over 9 years.
deep breaths, deep breaths....
I am excited to start a new chapter. I am excited to do something new and build on the amazing experiences I have had- both in and out of my work world. Working there allowed me to see things I likely would not have otherwise seen, and experiened things I would not have, and met people who are my soulmates.
More than a fabulous job, being there I grew up. I started out almost right out of college-- fresh and naive. Not knowing what it meant to have a "real" job. Was working from home really a "real" job I was often asked (for years in some cases). I sometimes asked myself the same thing when it was 4pm and I still wasn't dressed for the day. But it was. At times it was very intense. And at times it was pure silly. It wasn't perfect, nothing is. But it was pretty darn great for a really long time.
But it was time to find something new. If I'm being honest it was probably past time, but it's super hard to leave something you love. In an embarssing commentary to the VP of the company, I compared it to a break up with your boyfriend you love but you know you just aren't meant to marry. You love them, wish them no ill will, want to keep in touch (really), and genuinely want to be friends but you just can't be together anymore. It's all true. And yes, I actually said that to the guy who pays my salary (win.).
It wasn't an easy decision to make. I still love this job and the people I work with. I am surrounded by friends. Friends, some which, have become family.
When wasting some night time the other day I found this quote from Winnie The Pooh, of all places. It just spoke to me. Directly to exactly what I am feeling.
"How Lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard."- Winnie The Pooh
But goodbye it will be. And onto new and exciting adventures in the Windy City. Where maybe I'll stay put for a bit.
So, in my ever-changing, ever-adventurous world, here comes another change---
In simplest terms-- I am moving to Chicago. I am leaving the company I have worked for over 9 years.
deep breaths, deep breaths....
I am excited to start a new chapter. I am excited to do something new and build on the amazing experiences I have had- both in and out of my work world. Working there allowed me to see things I likely would not have otherwise seen, and experiened things I would not have, and met people who are my soulmates.
More than a fabulous job, being there I grew up. I started out almost right out of college-- fresh and naive. Not knowing what it meant to have a "real" job. Was working from home really a "real" job I was often asked (for years in some cases). I sometimes asked myself the same thing when it was 4pm and I still wasn't dressed for the day. But it was. At times it was very intense. And at times it was pure silly. It wasn't perfect, nothing is. But it was pretty darn great for a really long time.
But it was time to find something new. If I'm being honest it was probably past time, but it's super hard to leave something you love. In an embarssing commentary to the VP of the company, I compared it to a break up with your boyfriend you love but you know you just aren't meant to marry. You love them, wish them no ill will, want to keep in touch (really), and genuinely want to be friends but you just can't be together anymore. It's all true. And yes, I actually said that to the guy who pays my salary (win.).
It wasn't an easy decision to make. I still love this job and the people I work with. I am surrounded by friends. Friends, some which, have become family.
When wasting some night time the other day I found this quote from Winnie The Pooh, of all places. It just spoke to me. Directly to exactly what I am feeling.
"How Lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard."- Winnie The Pooh
But goodbye it will be. And onto new and exciting adventures in the Windy City. Where maybe I'll stay put for a bit.
the end of the year
Since I have been a tad busy getting settled, drving to and from work, moving a few times, traveling to New York, helping some friends, and most importantly chatting with my various housemates, I have not been as good about updating the blog. Prorities.
But I have missed writing my thoughts and feelings and observations in all of this change and adventure. There has been so much to take in- good things and some sad.
The last few weeks in DC/Maryland were hectic. I was trying to pull together an event in three weeks time that I normally spend months planning. I felt immense pressure to pass it off as done as humanly possible. My last day was extended due to that, which I was just fine with. It allowed me time to put all these big changes away for just a little more time. I am exceptional at compartmetalizing. It's how I deal well with crisis. I focus on the issue at hand and fall apart afterward. So the last week was filled with meetings, outings, saying goodbye. I got a little teary but more than anything I was focused on the task at hand. And then came Friday and packaging up my laptop to be sent back. And a lunch with a friend. And it hit me. Literally took my breath away, for just a second. I was leaving a city I'd mastered and learned to love in a year of getting beat-up. I was leaving a job I'd had for almost ten years and one I still liked. I was leaving behind almost my whole career. And I was picking up to move to a new city and start a new job in two days. Whoa. deep breaths.
As I was headed back to the little ladies for one last sleepover at their house and one last night with one of my all-time favorite housemates (no offense to anyone else!), I got so sad. Not because I was scared of the decision I'd made, but sad to leave such a special year behind. In that year, I'd conquered a city. I'd fallen deeply in love with my favorite little people. I'd learned how fast and deep a friendship can grow.I'd learned what I am made of. I really learned how very lucky I am. And I was humbled by the love I have been shown.
Saturday, in Ferd Schulte fashion (meaning really early), I got up and started the adventure. I had one last infusion treatment(because why wouldn't that be the case) and then I hit the road and headed toward the mitten. I had a 9 hour drive through the hills and highways. A mix of good music and time alone --jobless (for 2 days) and homeless. I got home and relished in the large sized bed (I had been sleeping in a 3/4 bed-- short and fat twin bed, really) and got excited that I could sleep in on Sunday. finally. ;)
Sunday I got up and attem- hit up a coffee and bagel place and headed toward Chicago in the rain. My moves tend to have the background of rain, I tak it as a positive sign. Like the planet is cleansing me of the old so I can start fresh and new or something. (wow, that was really hippy dippy! But I'm sticking with it.)
I got to my new temporary home, knocked and was immediately welcomed with squeals of delight from the other side of the door. So cute and perfect.
I unloaded (with the help of my new housemates), got the tour and the favorite books orientation, then had a homecooked dinner. The adults shared tips for getting to the office the next day and we talked about grown up things.
And Monday I started my job.
We'll end the story there for now.
But I have missed writing my thoughts and feelings and observations in all of this change and adventure. There has been so much to take in- good things and some sad.
The last few weeks in DC/Maryland were hectic. I was trying to pull together an event in three weeks time that I normally spend months planning. I felt immense pressure to pass it off as done as humanly possible. My last day was extended due to that, which I was just fine with. It allowed me time to put all these big changes away for just a little more time. I am exceptional at compartmetalizing. It's how I deal well with crisis. I focus on the issue at hand and fall apart afterward. So the last week was filled with meetings, outings, saying goodbye. I got a little teary but more than anything I was focused on the task at hand. And then came Friday and packaging up my laptop to be sent back. And a lunch with a friend. And it hit me. Literally took my breath away, for just a second. I was leaving a city I'd mastered and learned to love in a year of getting beat-up. I was leaving a job I'd had for almost ten years and one I still liked. I was leaving behind almost my whole career. And I was picking up to move to a new city and start a new job in two days. Whoa. deep breaths.
As I was headed back to the little ladies for one last sleepover at their house and one last night with one of my all-time favorite housemates (no offense to anyone else!), I got so sad. Not because I was scared of the decision I'd made, but sad to leave such a special year behind. In that year, I'd conquered a city. I'd fallen deeply in love with my favorite little people. I'd learned how fast and deep a friendship can grow.I'd learned what I am made of. I really learned how very lucky I am. And I was humbled by the love I have been shown.
Saturday, in Ferd Schulte fashion (meaning really early), I got up and started the adventure. I had one last infusion treatment(because why wouldn't that be the case) and then I hit the road and headed toward the mitten. I had a 9 hour drive through the hills and highways. A mix of good music and time alone --jobless (for 2 days) and homeless. I got home and relished in the large sized bed (I had been sleeping in a 3/4 bed-- short and fat twin bed, really) and got excited that I could sleep in on Sunday. finally. ;)
Sunday I got up and attem- hit up a coffee and bagel place and headed toward Chicago in the rain. My moves tend to have the background of rain, I tak it as a positive sign. Like the planet is cleansing me of the old so I can start fresh and new or something. (wow, that was really hippy dippy! But I'm sticking with it.)
I got to my new temporary home, knocked and was immediately welcomed with squeals of delight from the other side of the door. So cute and perfect.
I unloaded (with the help of my new housemates), got the tour and the favorite books orientation, then had a homecooked dinner. The adults shared tips for getting to the office the next day and we talked about grown up things.
And Monday I started my job.
We'll end the story there for now.
 |
| DC friends Goodbye bar crawl. |
 |
| C and Mags on our "ice cream for breakfast date" |
 |
| Sammie and Erica |
 |
| the packed car |
 |
| the new roomies |
Sunday, September 1, 2013
Munchkins
On this space, I have often talked about the little loves in my life-- the munchkins. These are the children of people I love that I have now come to love just as much (or maybe a little bit more than) their parents. Their parents range from my dearest/oldest friends to my BFF cousin and people in between.
Currently, I am living with three of my very favorite munchkins. No offense meant to the other little guys, but these three little ladies hold a super special space in my heart. I am the eldests' god-mother, the middle one and I are a lot alike, and the littlest just recently decided I might be okay(victory!). As I mentioned when I wrote about moving in, I was excited to experience life in their midst and get to know them even more. I have been more in and out than expected, but the time I have had has been precious. I have seen the good, the bad, and some of the ugly (nighttime poops come to mind!). And I am totally in love with them. More than ever!
When I shared with people that I would be moving to another city, people asked how I would live without them nearby. My answer was always the same-- "It's fine. We lived a apart for a really long time, we made time for one another". Yeah. That's completely impossible. After living with these little ladies (and their mom and dad), I have determined there is NO WAY I can go for too long without seeing them and hugging them or laughing with them. Skype will tide us over between visits, but it won't quite ever be the same as waking up to the stomping, running, and laughter. I will be forever grateful to them for inviting me into their world and for sharing so much with me. It has been a truly precious few weeks (ones I will treasure forever).
But in two weeks I will move away from them and to my new city.
Funny enough their cousins (my cousin's bro and his fam) will be my temporary home when I get to Chicago-land. They also have two little girls, whom I only just started to know this summer while on vacation. Just like before I moved into my current abode, I am excited to get to know them a little bit better and become good pals with them too. As I was finalizing plans with their momma, she let me know they are already planning my welcome home baked good and what toys we are going to play with.
I told her, they'll be a great transition so I don't go "cold turkey" from munchkin-land. She laughed. But I am serious.
As I started to look for a new apartment, my eyes got misty thinking about how quiet it will all be. I will relish sleeping in and walking out the door with no worries, but really I will miss being asked to read a book before we start the day, and cuddles before I am quite ready to leave bed. Or talking about friends, or laughing about really nothing, but having it be the best part of the day.
In a time that could be overwhelming and maddening and filled worry, my days are highlighted with sticky high fives, and toothy kisses and snacktimes and laughing.
I will cherish the little moments over the next few weeks (in this home and my next) where my life will be filled with munchkins.
I feel like instead of recalling this time as trying and uneasy, I will look back fondly on the months and weeks I got to spend with so many of my munchkins.
Currently, I am living with three of my very favorite munchkins. No offense meant to the other little guys, but these three little ladies hold a super special space in my heart. I am the eldests' god-mother, the middle one and I are a lot alike, and the littlest just recently decided I might be okay(victory!). As I mentioned when I wrote about moving in, I was excited to experience life in their midst and get to know them even more. I have been more in and out than expected, but the time I have had has been precious. I have seen the good, the bad, and some of the ugly (nighttime poops come to mind!). And I am totally in love with them. More than ever!
When I shared with people that I would be moving to another city, people asked how I would live without them nearby. My answer was always the same-- "It's fine. We lived a apart for a really long time, we made time for one another". Yeah. That's completely impossible. After living with these little ladies (and their mom and dad), I have determined there is NO WAY I can go for too long without seeing them and hugging them or laughing with them. Skype will tide us over between visits, but it won't quite ever be the same as waking up to the stomping, running, and laughter. I will be forever grateful to them for inviting me into their world and for sharing so much with me. It has been a truly precious few weeks (ones I will treasure forever).
But in two weeks I will move away from them and to my new city.
Funny enough their cousins (my cousin's bro and his fam) will be my temporary home when I get to Chicago-land. They also have two little girls, whom I only just started to know this summer while on vacation. Just like before I moved into my current abode, I am excited to get to know them a little bit better and become good pals with them too. As I was finalizing plans with their momma, she let me know they are already planning my welcome home baked good and what toys we are going to play with.
I told her, they'll be a great transition so I don't go "cold turkey" from munchkin-land. She laughed. But I am serious.
As I started to look for a new apartment, my eyes got misty thinking about how quiet it will all be. I will relish sleeping in and walking out the door with no worries, but really I will miss being asked to read a book before we start the day, and cuddles before I am quite ready to leave bed. Or talking about friends, or laughing about really nothing, but having it be the best part of the day.
In a time that could be overwhelming and maddening and filled worry, my days are highlighted with sticky high fives, and toothy kisses and snacktimes and laughing.
I will cherish the little moments over the next few weeks (in this home and my next) where my life will be filled with munchkins.
I feel like instead of recalling this time as trying and uneasy, I will look back fondly on the months and weeks I got to spend with so many of my munchkins.
Friday, August 23, 2013
Maybe Frank Sinatra was right...
When he crooned, "Chicago is my kind of town".
I guess I will see in another few weeks, if it's true for me.
The other day, I made the difficult choice to leave a job I have loved for ten years. The new opportunity is really the direction I want to go, but to say goodbye to what I've know and what's comfortable-- not always easy, but I can predict outcomes and to move on to the unknown is terrifying, exciting, and so many other things.
I have so much more to say, but will only hope I feel like Frank when it comes to city that I will soon call home---
I guess I will see in another few weeks, if it's true for me.
The other day, I made the difficult choice to leave a job I have loved for ten years. The new opportunity is really the direction I want to go, but to say goodbye to what I've know and what's comfortable-- not always easy, but I can predict outcomes and to move on to the unknown is terrifying, exciting, and so many other things.
I have so much more to say, but will only hope I feel like Frank when it comes to city that I will soon call home---
Now this could only happen to a guy (gal) like me
And only happen in a town like this
So may I say to each of you most gratef'lly
As I throw each one of you a kiss
This is my kind of town, Chicago is
My kind of town, Chicago is
My kind of people, too
People who smile at you
And each time I roam, Chicago is
Calling me home, Chicago is
Why I just grin like a clown
It's my kind of town
And only happen in a town like this
So may I say to each of you most gratef'lly
As I throw each one of you a kiss
This is my kind of town, Chicago is
My kind of town, Chicago is
My kind of people, too
People who smile at you
And each time I roam, Chicago is
Calling me home, Chicago is
Why I just grin like a clown
It's my kind of town
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)